Fear of Falling

I lie awake at night

and cringe at the memory

of sitting on a cliff

feeling like the wind

not thinking about falling

until the rocks shifted

under my grungy shoes.

Until the rough little pebble

slid right past my achy feet

and tumbled off the side

and fell into the water.

At the time I didn't notice

at the time I didn't care.

But as I lie in bed at night

feeling cold and lonely

I think about that day

and how I could have fallen

and how I didn't.

But the memory still hurts.

The memory is still there.

And now I have a fear.

A fear of falling.

I love this one! I love how she's smiling!  She's happy because God just chose her, her, to give birth to His own son! 

Happy, Happy Christmas!

Yes, yes, it's Christmas time!  Bright Christmas lights decorating the houses, Christmas carols, food, no school, crazy traffic, and JESUS, JESUS, JESUS!!  He is incredible!  I owe everything to Him, he is my light and my salvation, He gives me ideas when my brain feels dead, he gives me hope when I want to curl up and die, he helps me stand my ground when I want to just fall over.  If not for Him, I don't know if I would still be alive today.  And now we get to celebrate His coming and everything He has done.  Happy, Happy birthday, Jesus!

Escape

Right now, I want nothing more than to escape.  To run away.  To ride across the Atlantic Ocean on a boat, or fly through the air in a balloon or a bubble.  To escape death, pain, and all the agony that goes along with it.  I want to run away to a place where no one fights.  A place where nothing dies.  A place where ideas can flourish and grow into fields of lilies and orchids.  Where I could climb a tall, tall tree without getting scratched, or dive into the ocean and watch the fish without having to come up for air.  Where I could run as fast as I can but not get tired.  Where I could love and appreciate everything without hatred getting mixed in my soul.  Where feelings are clear and nothing muddles my brain. 

Everything happens for a reason.  They are gone now, but maybe I'll see them again one day.  In heaven.  Where all my dreams come true.  Kind of like a fairy tale but without any evil step mother. 

I want to have a food fight, but without any mess to clean up.  I want to drink a river of imagination and not burst.  I want to feed people who are hungry and have no money to buy food.  I want to comfort those who feel they have no reason to live.  I want to make a difference.  To cheer someone up.  To write stories full of adventure and inspiration.  Full of love and hope in the end.  I want to fly. 

Doll Sweaters and Skirts . . .

I love dolls.  I've loved dolls every since I was a toddler, and now I've started making doll clothes.  I haven't done much, but it's a start.  Here's what I've created so far.

The outfit consists of pantaloons, underskirt, main dress, and detachable collar.  Here it is from the back.

So there you have it!  My favorite part of the outfit are the pantaloons.

My next dress, I'm hoping, will be a peasant dress.  I can hardly wait.  However, my current project is a doll sweater that I'm weaving out of Peruvian wool. Once I finish all four squares of fabric, I'll start sewing them together for the sweater. 

At Last!

At last!  I have finally done what I've been dreaming of doing, and started a blog!  I hope this will amount to something, but we'll just have to wait and see.  First I'm going to tell you a little bit about who I am. 

Here's me.

I'm a dreamer.  I dream at night, I dream during school and during meals and during practically everything else as well.  Sometimes my siblings catch me staring off into space and have to bring me back to reality.  Also, I like to write.  I'm not sure how good I actually am, but I still love it.  I get so many ideas and I get so excited, I have to write them down.  To me, words are like music, just they . . aren't.  I love music and basically everything beautiful.  And some things that aren't beautiful, too.  I love taking pictures and matching them up with songs and dances in my head. 

So there's just a little bit about me.  There's so much more but I've got lots of time ahead of me to write about that.